While being away from everyone is really difficult and I can't always get a hold of people at home, I have been so lucky to have Anthony. He's always there for me, to share my happiness over the most banal of things, and a shoulder to cry on. He has even been there when my umbrella attacked my thumbnail and I needed someone, at 8am his time, to distract me from the pain and kept me level headed. I try to keep a positive attitude, putting myself out there, talking to people the best I can and making the most of this experience. One of several times, but last night he listened to me vent and cry for over an hour about how I wasn't getting to talk to or meet people. He tried to remind me that things get better, and that things would. My response was that I was doing everything I possibly could and I was destined to live a sad and lonely existence for 5 more months and I should basically take a vow of silence and live in an abbey for the rest of the time. Perhaps slightly dramatic, but it really was how I was feeling.
And this is one of the few times I'll probably say it, so you want to bookmark this page or something, but he was right. Already today things were improving. Nelly, the housekeeper for the building, had been away last week and she's someone I usually talk to a lot. I was so happy to have her back and talked to her for about 15 minutes this morning, then coming back from lunch, one of the students Madame Mazurie had told me about, invited me to the weekly Wednesday night movies at the school (though I usually have choir then so we'll see how that works out), after that I had a funny conversation group, all lively and actually participating- and I hadn't even killed myself preparing that lesson, and finally, when I came back to my flat I talked with Huimin for a while about n'importe quoi.
Though there are days where I don't say much, and I could certainly be improving faster, I do speak French, and beyond joining groups or activities, it's putting myself out there in those little moments.
Which brings me to the internet. It's a blessing and a curse. I love that I get to talk to people from home- sometime over an hour each night ( i <3 skype), I can easily research different English activities, and it's all provide in the paltry sum of 80 euros a month rent. Other assistants are stuck with internet cafes, McDo's wifi and expensive set up plans, so I've definitely lucked out. It also means that when I'm feeling lazy I can watch multiple (aka way too many) seasons of Mad Men and procrastinate on lesson plans. Reflecting on Dakar life vs. Coutances, I realized how much I read in Dakar and how much I blogged, talked to people or just did something. I have an amazing opportunity to even just study French 30 min each day,talk to others, watch a movie in French or read a book, but most of that time is lost on the internet. I'm going to try to cut down on my internet hours. It's difficult, not because I love or need the internet so much, but just because it's easy. It's easy to watch stupid youtube videos and get lost for 3 hours in it. What a waste. So, while I'm still working out the kinks, I'm going to try to hopefully keep my computer off for a good portion of the day, perhaps an email check in the morning and an hour or so at night. But like all resolutions, we'll see how long this one lasts....
Update 1 dec 2010 21h: So far a major fail, but I'm going to keep at it.
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